Deep breath, suck in... and hope it inflates your balls.

Courage, confidence, balls. Reality is the opposite of imagination, and I think I let my imagination drive me too much to the point that i'm unsure of reality and lose the CCB (first three words I stated, not Chao Chee Bai). It has been an issue since young. I guess my upbringing has made my personality drift towards the more cushiony side, the testicle-less side. Hiding behind pants and skirts, avoiding eye contact, looking down onto the ground etc, has done their deeds and done it well, for i've never been able to even take a big huff and a puff to call for a waiter or waitress without hesitating.

But I think "its time for change" - Barrack Obama.

"No one would pay attention to someone who can't even get the confidence to speak aloud and proper.. I wouldn't." - Cheryl Natalia (roughly what she said)

Well, that just sums it up. Grow some confidence, and maybe, two testicles.

Nights

MY MAN!!!!

I hate this desktop. The screen keeps A.W.O.L-ing on me. I keep on having to switch it on and off for about 50 times before it permanently remains on. SOMEONE BUY ME A NEW ONE PLEASE.

I went to school today and did not do much work. The atmosphere in school is too distracting. I think I might drop out this week or the next to do self studying. But the repercussions are that i'll really miss school a hell lot. Such a dilemma. Anyways, my sloth behavior continued on till after school, where I intended to do my english homework but ended up sleeping at Natalia's place, where I drifted off so subtly and remained in that manner until 6, my tuition time, so I cancelled it hahahaha.

Fucking house just blacked out. Lucky blogger saves drafts automatically unlike before. Good on you blogger, learning well eh.

I shall go off now. Adios.

Have I found you, flightless bird?

Flightless bird, American mouth keeps on playing over and over again in my head like a routined hamster. Usually this annoys me ( not the song itself). But I find this particular one rather soothing (Although the song reminds me of Edward and Bella dancing to the song at the end of Twilight... Stupid Twilight hahahahhah)

Today was productive. I have to come to terms with what time I have made used of, and be satisfied with it. So yes, today was productive. 3 hours at toh payoh library with Keith and Nikesh. Im quite impressed with the fact that time flew by so quickly. Usually studying time would feel like beard-growing, but I guess its just the pressure that 'O's' is coming soon, so time flies.

I feel like a car running out on gas. Someone please refill my tank? I need to continue this journey.

Nights

I have found you, after all this while.

I really needed something to express myself on, to release. And I happened to come across my old blog, which i totally forgot about. Haven't done this in ages...

I somehow remember using this before my 'N' Levels to keep up with my english. I guessed it worked in a way. So perhaps I shall start using this again for 'O' Levels this year. Maybe it might serve me like how it did last year (mentally and emotionally). Although, looking back at those posts I wrote previously, I can not remember writing them. Somehow everything from last year to this year transistioned for the worst. My memory has been swiped out like money from a credit card.

Back to the main point of coming here... I really feel hopeless this year. I know that I've studied but im never satisfied with the amount that I cover. To make it worse, my prelims results just indicate to me that i'm a failure and I wont be able to make it. L1R4 31 points. Fuck.

At least I know which direction to head to now. Writing. But the expectations are very high, and at this rate that im going, I believe my road is winding in another direction.

However, I will cling onto this little glimpse of hope that I have. I will persist and study hard. I will make whatever time productive ( especially tomorrow cause im skipping school to study). And I'll listen to my guide, my girl guide, my girl, Sharooolll ( with the tongue rolling action to make it sound more Italian and interesting), to help and push me to getting where what I want for the 'O's'.

So that's it. I just wanted a platform for me to express what im feeling and thinking now and just now. And thats done. So goodnight.

I realise I sound very fake when I blog. But I dont want to use singlish and other nonsense languages. Oh wells.